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Thursday, 27 December 2012

Update: Kim's Story

I haven't been at Mass all that much in the last couple of weeks (with the exception of Christmas when I had a couple  days off) due to changes to my work schedule because of the shortage of staff at work due to illness and other family related reasons. The thing is, the more I am away from Church, and the less I go to Mass, the more I want to be at Church and the more I want to go to Mass. I find that when I am in Church, and when I am at Mass, I am aware of God's presence to a fairly strong degree, yet when I am not there, and not in Mass, I am even more aware of God's presence in my life. I know it has been said that sometimes the more worldy it gets, the more one truly longs for the Lord, and in this window of opportunity, He comes to catch us when we most need Him, and therefore, we can be prone to a deeper awareness of His presence in such situations. Sometimes I really do wonder if there is something more to it though, like where the Lord really wants me.
I've been thinking and praying about a lot of things lately, and to be honest, I don't think I've ever experienced such a deepened desire in my heart to live in union with Jesus. I know that since I was fourteen, I would get "urges to pray" and very often I would find myself in a situation where I could do nothing more than lift my heart to the Lord and ask Him what He wants from me at that moment in time. I remember secretly praying the Rosary in the middle of a lesson once because I had finished my work early and really didn't want to do anymore at the time. Forgive me for being ungrateful for being in a good school at the time - I just didn't have the maturity to tell myself that extra work in other subjects other than those I really enjoyed and excelled in was worth it.
Last night I was awake several times. I had gone to bed at 8pm, but I woke up again at 10.15pm because I received a text message and one of my phones is a 24 hour contact number. I went back to sleep just before 11pm, only to find myself awake again at 3am in the morning. For some reason, I found myself praying for the souls of the faithful departed. I don't really know why - I was just moved by the Holy Spirit to do so. It was like I was praying for people and intentions I did not know of. I know that might sound strange, but that is how it seemed to me. I was then awake again just after 5.30am because I just knew I wanted to spend some time with the Lord before my housemates started waking up and playing music etc. I prayed for a while until about 6.30am, then woke up (for real) at 7.10am. So either I just have sleeping problems, or the Lord seems to want me awake and praying during the night every so often, but seeing as I have no trouble sleeping literally whenever I need to, and I can sleep right through the night with no problems - I never have jetlag while abroad either, I am tempted to believe the latter.
I cannot wait until I am able to receive the sacraments. It is only a few months away now and I will be able to fully participate in the Mass, receiving the Eucahrist and being able to go to the sacrament of reconciliation. I have waited so long for this, and although I do try to be patient, I am sometimes not. O Lord help me and prepare me as I progress along this journey. Praise be to God for helping me along the way up until now, and for the times to come that lie ahead. Amen and Amen.

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