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Monday, 21 January 2013

My own little retreat and revelations...

I've just spent five days in Church all day, from morning, with the brothers, with the Office of Lauds until after Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament after Vespers with the brothers in the evening. I've been doing things around Church as and when I am needed, and have been at Daily Mass as usual, which was lovely. I also sometimes joined them for Sext (Midday Office) and spent time in prayer on my own too. It gave me time to reflect on a lot of things that have happened over the last few weeks, some of which deeply affected my prayer life. It is okay now though, as I have got my prayer life back and am no longer struggling with it. In fact, last Thursday I was praying straight through from 5.20pm until after Adoration, which ended at 9pm, and I thought it would spiritually exhaust me, but instead, I found I truly loved it. I thought it would be really intense, but something inside me made me try it and do it anyway, to some extent, I sort of wanted to see what would happen. It confirmed the desire I have in my heart to be closer and grow in love for our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and showed me that actually, I do have a very strong love for the Eucharist - I remember our youth co-ordinator saying to me one day after Adoration some time ago, "I was praying for you, and I was just thinking, Wow, Kim's going to love it when she can receive communion, some people just have such a love for the Eucharist..." - It made me think...wherever I end up in the future, wherever this is leading me, I know I can never adore the Blessed Sacrament enough, I can never get enough of the holy Eucharist - my soul thirsts so deeply for it that I cannot imagine what the world would be like without such a devotion.
People in the parish have been saying many things to me and about me. Lots of people think I'm a sister (as in a nun) and I always laugh and joke about it, but really inside it makes me wonder why. It is partly because of how I dress, and someone, this time I won't say who, said it's because of that "garb" I wear... :P They also said it was because of the way I speak - apparently it's quite evident that I am close to God (or at least, I always try to grow in closeness to our Lord). One parishioner said to me that I had "the mark", then explained she thought I was at a spiritually deep level, and with a prayer life that seemed to many to be very contemplative, she thought I would end up in a convent somewhere. Funny how many people have said this to me. I hope that the Lord might show me His intentions and Will for me one day soon, but of course, in His time. I still have to be patient as my immediate priority at the moment is to receive the sacraments at Easter. I am baptised, and turns out I was four when I was, but I need to receive First Reconciliation, First Communion and Confirmation, which I pray and hope will be at the Easter Vigil this year. It is not long now, so hopefully all will be as I hope. Please leep that intention especially in your prayer as I continue my journey of faith.
Each day, my heart longs more and more to be in union with Jesus. I cannot concentrate a lot of the time on things I am doing because all I want to do is spend more time in adoration and doing works of charity to help those in need...
I need to go as I'm at a friend's house in Cambridge at the moment, but I will write more when I get the chance to. Know you are all in my prayer as always.
With all God's love and blessings,
Kim Lee :)

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