I have always been aware of things around me, even when I seem oblivious to my surroundings, I often know what is going on. Throughout my life, I have noticed certain things come and go, but particular things stuck. They didn't just "stick", they grew. In my heart, I have always known that I wanted to give my life to God, wholly and completely, and that until I did, I would not find fulfilment. I would not become fully "myself", who God made me to be. People would suggest that it was because I wasn't in full communion with the Church yet (this was when I was younger) and I would, to some extent believe them, but then deep in my heart, I always knew that God wanted more. I am not perfect, nor do I strive for perfection, but I know that I am ever more aware of God's presence and where He is leading me. I know that deep inside my heart, He wants me to hand my life over to Him, so I can serve Him fully, and I also know that I am very strongly attracted to the Religious Life. There is an emptiness in my heart, an emptiness that only ever slightly "fills up" when I am with the sisters. I cannot explain it, but I am just so "at home", so "myself" and so "at one with God" that to verbalise the experience I am having or to put it into words could not, and would not do it justice. I know I am young, and that I'm only 18 and have only just entered the Church, but really, spiritually speaking, I have been in the Church for many years longer than that. It is written in grace in the depths of my heart to give myself over to Christ - there is nothing else that will ever satisfy me. This I know. People have said to me that when I know, in God's time, I will just know. But what if I am telling you that I do know, and that I also know "that time" is near? I cannot explain it, but it is almost like a gut reaction, but it is more than a physical "knowing", it's a "spiritual knowing", inspired by the Holy Spirit. If we are only attentive to the Holy Spirit, then we can be guided and led by Him.
That's it for now as I must retire to my bed, otherwise I will be cutting diagonal lines of fabric for customers instead of straight lines, and we wouldn't want that now, would we? I am working in Haberdashery tomorrow, and will probably have a number of tasks to do as well. God Bless you all and Goodnight. :)