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Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Update: The Story So Far: Kim

I know I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I have said it rather a few times lately, "WHY ask ME to give my whole life? Haven't YOU got so many children, God to choose from, to ask, who want it so much more than me, who can love so much more than me, who can give so much more than me? So why, oh why, God ask me to walk this path?" and I pray, well, "enlighten me, Lord!" and this is the answer I get - the gift of wisdom to know in my heart that it's not about deserving or how much better someone is at something, or how much more virtuous they are, but about God's will and His plan for any given individual, and in that is included myself. I find the scripture verse, Matthew 16:18 at the back of my mind after reading the Gospels again, and IT WILL NOT LEAVE ME! You really don't know how much it keeps "ringing at me", like a phone off the hook! It's also this "spiritual knowing" of what God wants of me right now - you see, what I also want to know is where He is leading me, and well, I guess I'll leave the "why" til I reach the other side of the grave, and God forbid it ever be too soon! The thing is, it's like standing at a sign post saying, "London 50 miles (to use Father John's signpost analogy of London 50 miles), turn right" and if I speed down the road on the left, I find myself going round the back route and taking the short cut to "London" and getting there even faster than I could possibly imagine, maybe cutting out 20 miles or so? (where London represents the place God is trying to send me, and the road represents the path He is trying to walk with me...I say trying because I'm a stubborn child who sometimes tries to resist and then ends up giving in because I can't resist the Holy Spirit for the life of me!)...I once said to my PP, God has thrown a pie in my face and I'm trying to deny it's there! But now, I just give in - God's will be done! :P

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